Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
