I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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