You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
