So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
