i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
