Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
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A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
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I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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