Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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