He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
