no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
