so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
