how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
