and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
