Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
