Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
