sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
