it was like his penis was on wheels.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
