Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
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A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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