Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
