Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
And then he peed in my hair
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