I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
