Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
