Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
