my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I AM VODKA MAN
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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