So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
