I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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