I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
