You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I AM VODKA MAN
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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