went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
