My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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