You're earring is so big in my mouth
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
