We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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