you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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