I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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