ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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