she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
