Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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