I can text with my tongue
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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