Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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