You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
