so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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