i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
