I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
