so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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