the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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