my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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