I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
