"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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