Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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