There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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