woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
