I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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