i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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