I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
