He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
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Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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