I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woke up backwards on a recliner
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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