guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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