Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
