matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
