i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
