i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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