I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
