I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
