it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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