I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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