conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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